Unvoiced Apologies.

Unvoiced Apologies.

unvoiced apologiesSometimes when someone is hurt by their spouse an apology is expected, voiced that is. But I have learnt over the years that some do not like to say the words, “I am sorry.”
It beats me to try to fathom why it is such a big deal for a person to say those powerful words, words that can mean the difference in any relationship and marriage especially.
The words “I am sorry” when spoken from a genuine heart can bring a lot of healing and restoration to a marriage, when left unsaid it can bring on the opposite.
If it is not handled it may hinder the blossoming of a love and trust filled relationship.

Sorry Without Words.
Some people are sorry and do apologise, only, they do not utter the words. They rather begin doing other acts of kindness and show of love. I do not know what goes on in their heads, maybe they believe their acts should suffice and their spouses should understand that they are trying to make up for their wrong.

There Is Power In Spoken Words.
Words are very powerful especially when backed with corresponding actions. I believe that everyone likes to “hear” their spouses say they are sorry when they do something wrong, the acts of kindness and show of love can come as a backing or emphasis on repentance.

Apologising brings healing to the hurt and should bring relief and liberty to the offender. Words are often stored and replayed in the hearts and minds of the hearers, but when things are left unsaid, it could lead to wild and often times wrong imaginations, confusion can sets in as unanswered questions pile up.

Why?
I am still wondering, why some people find it hard to say, “I am sorry”.

  • Is it possible those words were rarely used in their family before marriage?
  • Could it be they think saying the words would demean them?
  • Would saying sorry make them feel small before their spouse?
  • Is it possible they think to themselves that actions speak louder, so there is no point saying sorry?
  • Is it plain old pride?

Say It!
While I agree that we should forgive whether or not we are apologised to, which is truly for our own good. I also want to ask that every couple verbalise their apologies in order to give no room for wrong thoughts and imaginations.
Some will conclude that their spouses are simply proud and it might lead them to put up attitudes that are unhelpful to their spouses and their marriages.

Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]… James 5:16 (AMP)

Pray About It.
There is nothing God cannot do, every change we desire, God can bring to pass. Whatever the reason your spouse would rather “act sorry” than say sorry can be handled by God. Take it to God in prayer.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6

Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Ask For It.
When you notice your spouse “acts out” rather speaks out his/her apology, do not keep quiet, especially if hearing it said will mean more to you.
I believe so much in openness in marriage, it is the solution to more than half the challenges in marriage.
Call your spouses attention and say to him/her something like, “I have noticed that since so and so incident you have been extremely nice and caring, if it is your way of apologising, I appreciate it. But I would truly love you to look me in the face and tell me the words, ‘I am sorry’. That would mean something more to me.”

Be sincere in expressing your heart to your spouse, do not bury hurts, if you speak up, you might discover a change you never though possible.
…let everyone express the truth with his neighbor, for we are all parts of one body and members one of another. Ephesians 4:25 (AMP)

Do you find it difficult or think it unnecessary to voice your apologies? Why?

Do you prefer voiced or unvoiced apologies?

Do you want both?

Copyright© Teshuva 2015

Sharing With: Wedded Wednesday


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Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a Christ-follower, wife to Benson, mother of 3 awesome boys, God's agent, speaker and blogger. Writing to inspire you for a better life in God! Find her on: google
Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

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12 Comments

  1. I believe that if a person has not come to the point where they can easily say “I’m sorry”, then they have not fully repented. Or they may not believe that they have done anything that requires an apology.

    Even if a person apologizes when s/he is not truly sorry, anyone who knows that person well should be able to tell.

    The upright (honorable, intrinsically good) man out of the good treasure [stored] in his heart produces what is upright (honorable and intrinsically good), and the evil man out of the evil storehouse brings forth that which is depraved (wicked and intrinsically evil); for out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6:45

    1. Truth said my sister! Thanks for coming by, have a super blessed day!
      Love

  2. Very informative….learnt a lot

    1. Praise God sis!

  3. Yes both voiced n unvoiced apology re good but the voiced is better, one will know dat nothing is in each others mind. Bless God we both do d voice n pray it may remain like dat in IJN. Amen.

    1. I believe so too, I love the voiced. Amen! That’s great! Thanks for coming by Chimdinma.

  4. Thank you for this piece on apology. I am not there yet, but I am intentionally working to improve my tendency to apologise when I know I have failed anyone, especially my lady.
    I won’t mind both verbal and non-verbal apologies, but a verbal apology is more preferable – to apologise is not to do penance.
    Thank you!

    1. Intentionality is very key. I do believe that agreeing, confessing and apologising for our wrong, and making deliberate attempts not to repeat the wrong would suffice.

  5. I agree it is important but my husband has a strong will. I have let him know I like to hear it but he mostly refuses. That is ok. Cause I will continue to say it to him. He shows he is sorry & He is a work in progress just like me.

    1. We are all Works in progress. And I agree continuous communication in love will yield the desired results. It only takes time and we must be patient.
      Thanks Susie, it’s nice seeing you here. I have been pulled in many directions recently.

      1. Its good to see you sister! Glad to be back at your site. 🙂

        1. Thanks sis!

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