I Don’t Want To Fight!

I Don’t Want To Fight!

I don't want to fightI am really growing, I don’t mean in my number of years lived, but in maturity. And I don’t mean to commend myself but I am happy that I can look back and say that I have left where I used to be, especially in my relationship with my husband.
Little things that I used to allow fester and grow into a huge fight I now disregard and move on with love in my heart.

Peace is far better than war!

The desire to always give reasons for the wrong I do or the mistakes I make is simply waning and I must say that I am loving it. Growing up my mum used to tell me that it would take a person who has experienced war to really appreciate peace.

I totally appreciate those words now. I used to always want to prove myself right while looking from my own perspective only and my husband would want me to see from his point of view but this always, most times leads to fights over very trivial things. But now, most of the time it is different.
Now I hear him out and try to understand why he thinks differently or why he acted the way he did. I no longer get into arguments over everything; I simply apologize when I go wrong, sometimes even when I think I am right.

Can we avoid misunderstandings in marriage? No! Can we avoid fights? Yes! We will not always understand each other, but we can decide to put our misunderstandings aside and work as one to maintain peace in our homes.

When a discussion starts heading for a quarrel then end it immediately. Even when both of you still have so much to say about the subject of discussion, it is better to stop before the emotions get out of control. Instead of engaging in that heated argument, stop and tell your selves that you will revisit it later, if it is something that must be talked about.

Plan a better approach, maybe after some time when both of you have calmed down. Find a way to talk about it, perhaps writing down your points of view and exchanging it with each other for a read before the day or time set to discuss it.

The temptation to have the last say is sometimes the reason for quarrels, when there is a battle of words, especially harsh words, the heart is wounded, and harsh words cut very deep. They always find a way of replaying in the hearer’s mind and it can cause a big wound in the heart.

Choose your words carefully when communicating, offensive words are mostly the trigger of quarrels, be kind, gentle and respectful as you discuss with your spouse.

Peace is far better than war!

Constant fights are not healthy for any relationship, how much more marriage. So let us all choose peace over war, let us grow in communication, and let us lay down our opinions and points of view if and when necessary, to avoid quarrels.

Constant fights can create a destructive distance in a marriage, so like me, choose not to fight, enjoy your life, and enjoy your marriage!

The start of an argument is like a water leak– so stop it before real trouble breaks out. Proverbs 17:14 (CEV)

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Proverbs 15:1

And the servant of the Lord must not be quarrelsome (fighting and contending). 2 Timothy 2:24 (AMP)

Copyright© Teshuva 2014 (Update from 2012)

Photo Credit: MSN

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Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a Christ-follower, wife to Benson, mother of 3 awesome boys, God's agent, speaker and blogger. Writing to inspire you for a better life in God! Find her on: google
Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

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6 Comments

  1. Hah! I am struck by the contrast between this post and Beth’s post today, at Messy Marriage. Beth reminds us that conflict avoidance is unhealthy while you remind us that peace is better than war.

    In my experience, both are true…though this sounds contradictory.

    Sometimes, we must be willing to plunge in and deal with the conflict…even knowing it will be hard and may escalate to a fight…for the sake of the relationship. Because festering conflicts need to be dealt with and openly discussed even if feelings are hurt in the process.

    Yet, we should not wade into conflict unnecessarily. And, when possible, should make the goal to understand each other’s viewpoint…to understand and be understood…rather than to win or be proven right.

    Good post, Ugochi!

    1. Two different approaches to the same issue under different situations but same results. PEACE
      Thanks for this exposition.

  2. Beautifully said.

    Before I open my mouth, I try to look at a potential fight from the perspective of “will this change things, or am I merely getting ready to act out to get my way”?

    Too often in the past it’s been the latter.

    Now I’m more likely to either let things go, or resolve to deal with them later.

    Except that sometimes I forget to deal with them, and time cures the problem.

    1. There is really no point fussing over things we many times perceive different than they really are.
      I wish I learnt this earlier than I did.

  3. Very well said, Ugochi! I am thankful that God has helped me with this too. When we allow our hearts to be softened toward our spouses, the blessings we reap are awesome! After all, my husband also has to live with a sinner so when we grant each other grace upon grace, we both end up as winners!

    Blessings to you, sweet friend!
    ~Anna

    1. I agree Anna. We cannot act like we are perfect when we are not, so we ought to give grace like we expect to receive.
      We do win when we give grace upon grace…
      Thanks very much for coming by. Have a super blessed day!

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