There is a common saying that when mummy is not happy nobody else will be. I believe this applies to daddy too. The tone of every marriage is determined by the couple, the husband (man) and the wife(woman). Since both of them make up the marriage, their states of mind, actions and/or inactions affect the overall state and atmosphere in the marriage and home.
When the man or his wife is not happy, whether or not they like it, it affects the atmosphere in the home. No matter how forced, true joy and laughter is non-existent for as long as one or both of them are sad, angry, embittered or depressed.
How can we handle this in our marriages?
First, we all know that every person is responsible for his or her joy and happiness. It is either we control and deal with our emotions or they control and deal with us. So the man must take responsibility to generate happiness and the woman must take responsibility to do the same too.
For we are each responsible for our own conduct. Galatians 6:5 (NLT)
How to maintain happiness.
Happiness is only an emotion; it depends solely on circumstances and events. When things go well and as planned, happiness is present, when things do not go well, or as planned and hoped it vanishes.
…be filled with the Spirit… Ephesians 5:18
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY… Galatians 5:22
Any person who The Holy Spirit, The Spirit of joy dwells in, cannot stay unhappy. Even when things do not go well, they draw from the joy within them, they look on the positive side and happiness is the result.
I do not mean to suggest that sadness does not rear its head at all in a joy filled person, it does but it finds no dwelling place in a joy filled heart and life.
How to be filled with Joy?
Stay filled with God. Stay filled with His word. Stay conscious of His Spirit within you, The Spirit of joy that constantly energizes you and fuels happiness even when circumstances or situations do not suggest it. Refuse to get involved in disobedience, it will silence Him in your life.
Quench not the Spirit. 1 Thessalonians 5:19
Do not depend on your spouse.
Many times, people depend on their husbands or wives to be happy. This is very unhealthy because man is not perfect and therefore cannot meet your needs, the arm of flesh will always fail. Besides, I consider it some form of idolatry when couples do this, and I believe when you do that, you depend on man for what you are supposed to depend on God. The Holy Spirit is the joy giver.
Thus saith the Lord ; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man… Jeremiah 17:5
Second, you have a part to play…
Communicate with your spouse.
When you see your husband or wife downcast do not ignore it. Let sincere love and affection move you to get into him or her in order to help with what they are dealing with. Compassion should drive you to help him or her reach within and find the joy that dwells there in.
Another side to this is that couples should learn to communicate issues that are affecting their happiness. They should not wait and allow their husbands or wives wonder about and guess what is making their spouses sad. They should be open and not pretend all is well when it is not so. When this free flow of communication is established in a marriage, tension is reduced and happiness is enhanced.
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ. Ephesians 4:15 (ESV)
When every man and every woman makes intentional efforts to do the things that enhances their spouses’ happiness and desists from doing those things that foster offence, they are allowing themselves to be used of God to create the right atmosphere in their home. This requires thoughtfulness, sensitivity and sacrifice, especially when such things are known.
A lover often seeks to please the subject or object of his/her affection. So when couples seek for ways to constantly serve and please their spouses, they become blessings and enhancers of their husband’s or wife’s happiness.
Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another. Romans 12:10
Let me reiterate that while no person should depend on their spouse for their happiness, each husband and wife should seek to contribute or be part of the reason their spouses are happy.
Copyright© Teshuva 2014
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