9 Keys To Enjoying Your Marriage

9 Keys To Enjoying Your Marriage

keys to enjoying your marriageI got a message on Facebook Messenger last weekend that reads:

“The Lord bless you ma. Your write-ups have transformed so many homes, keep it up. How can one enjoy His marriage without enduring it? What are the ingredients to make our marriages blissful?” – I. O

In response to this, I decided to write on some ingredients I believe will essentially bring enjoyment instead of painful endurance to marriages.

1. Keep Your Expectations Real
Every one has expectations of their spouse, but we all must admit that some times our expectations are literarily unreal. Like when I expected my husband to Hold Me Through The Night.
We must think through our expectations thoroughly so that we won’t end up disappointed, embittered and frustrated. Do not ask for the impossible from your spouse.

2. Sow The Right Seeds
You must do the things that make for peace and joy in your marriage; you can only reap what you sow. If you do the things that cause anger, sorrow, sadness in your home, that is what you will encounter too, but if you bring in joy, peace and harmony, you will find joy in your home.
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Galatians 6: 7

3. Avoid Comparisons
Do not make the mistake of comparing your marriage with that of others. Every marriage has its peculiarities and trying to put yours sides by side another might cause you to get disgruntled.
If there is some work needed to improve your marriage, go on and work on it.
There is a common saying that’ “if your neighbour’s yard looks greener than yours, instead of wishing yours was that green, water and nurture your own garden.”
Only fools compare themselves with themselves. 2 Corinthians 10: 12

4. Avoid Unhealthy Counsel
So many times husbands and wives go to seek counsel from people who either lack wisdom, or do not have their good at heart. I have heard frustrated people give counsel and of course they gave counsel out of their emotions. Some give counsel out of ignorance, some out of envy. Please be wise, get counsel from God’s word, and if you receive any counsel against God’s word, dump it!
If God’s word does not cover it, it is not truth to go by. John 17: 17

5. Do Everything To Keep The Flame Of Love Burning
No marriage can really be enjoyed out side of romance. There are some things that kept you eager and hungry for your spouse in the beginning (besides sex). Do not abandon those things you used to do with and for each other that always brought joy and excitement. Also explore new ideas of how to keep romance alive in your marriage and work them in.
Song Of Solomon 1: 2, 4:10, 8: 6

6. Listen To Your Spouse
Many homes lack gusto because couples do lack the patience to listen to and heed each other’s heart cries. To enjoy your marriage, you must listen to your spouse with the intent of doing something about what he or she is saying.
You must pay attention to your spouse’s needs, that is one major way he or she is reassured of your care and understands how important he or she is to you. You will be at peace and both of you will find joy in and from each other.

Love is patient 1 Corinthians 13:1

7. Love Genuinely
Let your love be genuine. Love selflessly without conditions. Wherever there is true love, peace and joy be very present. Love prefers the other person: always seek to give joy to your spouse and you will find joy in return.
[Let your] love be sincere (a real thing); Romans 12: 9 (AMP)

8. Do Not Depend On Your Spouse For Joy And Happiness
If you are not a happy person, your spouse will not make you happy. You have to generate joy from your inside, true joy only comes from God so you must allow The Holy Spirit to abide continually in you, He is The Fountain of Joy.

But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love,joy (gladness). Galatians 5:22

9. Let God Be The Head
Every good thing comes from God, including fulfillment, peace and joy. With God in the center of your home and His word the manual you run your marriage with; darkness will have no home in your marriage. Where there is darkness joy cannot be found, the word of God is light and light destroys every form of darkness.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turningIf God is TRULY Head in your marriage, joy comes naturally. James 1: 17

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. Psalm 119: 105

I believe that any home that pursues the above will experience true joy in marriage.

  • What are your thoughts on these?
  • Do you have any other key you might want to add?

Copyright© Teshuva 2014

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Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a Christ-follower, wife to Benson, mother of 3 awesome boys, God's agent, speaker and blogger. Writing to inspire you for a better life in God! Find her on: google
Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

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15 Comments

  1. Hi Ugochi,
    I am one of the youth leaders in our local church. Can you please inform me on how to win the trust of young people as their leader? I am very grateful for your lessons. God bless you.

    1. I am glad to know that Teshuva has been a blessing to you. I would love to reply this in your mail box a bit later. Let me know if this is okay.

      1. I will really appreciate if you do so through my mail. Thanks and God bless.

  2. What an enlightening topic! Thanks a lot for sharing this message which I consider the medicine to most marriage problems.

    1. Amen! Thanks very much Wycliffe, so have a super blessed day!

  3. These are so great! We all need to remember to involve God in our relationship, to listen, to spend time together, and make sure we are generally just being nice. Great post!!

    1. Praise God Elizabeth! Thanks a lot for coming by.

  4. Thank you, Ugochi for 9 excellent keys. Number four makes me think about the reason married couples receive unhealthy counsel. It could be for a number of reasons, but one reason is that some married people are always in the company of their unmarried friends. So I have to ask, do you think married people should avoid spending a lot of time with unmarried friends? Do you think unmarried friends could have a negative effect on a marriage?

    1. The people we spend time with affect us. I think the issue is not about them being unmarked but about them not being disciples of Christ. We shouldn’t be unfriendly to non-believers but we shouldn’t have then in our inner circle.
      I write in this here: http://www.ugochi-jolomi.com/2014/03/14-friends-all-couples-should-beware-of.html

  5. Ugochi, I cannot think of better examples. If we ladies all made our husbands the head of the house hold instead of trying to do it our way and if all the gentleman out there treated their wives like the church ( meaning the way Christ loved his people ) what great marriages there would be. These examples should be printed off and made into a plaque to hang in every house hold to be read daily. Once again I thank you for you Godly wisdom.

    1. Very true mom, that sums it all up. If we just went by the Lord’s instructions in Ephesians 5, we would not experience all the hardships we put ourselves through in marriage.
      These examples all point to those two laws.
      I always appreciate seeing and reading your wisdom on Tehsuva, thanks a lot for coming by.

  6. I like what you have written. God is the source of our joy–not our spouse.

    1. Yes, God is. When we keep looking to our spouses we displease God and get frustrated.

  7. Well said! Do you think expectations can be good? Like, if I expected something from my wife, does that eliminate the possibility for her to serve me?

    I like the point about comparing to others. That so can be dangerous.

    1. Of course! There are great expectations, I just meant that we shouldn’t expect the impossible from our spouses like I mentioned. We ought to serve out spouses as an expression of love and respect.
      But you know, some people expect things from their spouses that are so unreal, like when a man or wife expects perfection.
      I know women who have compared their husbands with other men and vice versa, it has never been profitable.

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