Like Her Or Him

Like Her Or Him

empty chair showing like him or herJohn had been in a “heading to the altar” relationship for eight months running and he thought Rita was the girl of his dreams. Getting married to her was top on his list for the year.  She was very respectful, and committed to the relationship. Her smile ignited his world and many of his folks have cooed on and on about how good they look together. Something about her voice, her articulation and her tone always thrilled his heart. Her structure and body movement also made him feel so proud to be her man and he made a good point of letting her know this time and time again. Besides all of these, she had a beautiful voice that always earned her a place behind the microphone during most of their Church services and she was a wonderful cook, her mom ran a successful restaurant and she had inherited her mom’s flawless cooking skills.

He was satisfied and couldn’t wait for March when she would walk up to him at the altar. Then something went awfully wrong.

After service one Sunday when the Church choir had just returned from a retreat she met him at the car park and asked to speak to him. They sat in his car and he noticed an unusual indisposed look on her face. She looked away from his prying eyes and told him that she was sorry she couldn’t go on with the relationship, she had no leading, she felt a disconnect and felt impressed on her heart they were not meant to be. John was distraught to say the least…

He tried to marry some other ladies but at every waking moment he thought in his heart; she doesn’t smile like Rita, this one’s okay but she doesn’t sound like Rita, I like that one but she is one size bigger than Rita…

If you are wondering whether or not he eventually got married, I do not know, but let me leave you to imagine the end of this fictitious but very relevant story.

Lots of men and ladies have obstructed themselves from getting married because they have not let go of a past relationship. They compare everyone they meet with the last person they were with. They may not voice it out but it has become a strong hold that has confined them and has driven them from the person whom would have been the blessing of a spouse for them.

A lot of people are stuck in relationships, they want to get out but do not know how to, they pity the man or the lady because they cannot find a way to let them know; “I cannot go on because you do not look anything like Jake or Joy.”

They should be nice and bold and say it! I believe that they should let the person know that they are in a conflict and would not like to hold them hostage in the battle they have to fight by themself. Comparing them to someone in their past and keeping them miserable all their life.

Truth is, marriages have fallen apart due to this subtle sneaky tool of holding on to an Ex, and sometimes it could even be a parent.

Some men have lost their homes because their wives must do it like mama, some women because their husbands do not love them like their father did. (A whole page can be written out of this)

But in order to move on successfully they should work on themselves and feed their minds on God’s word that is able to renew any mind.

They should trust God to break free from the old (And deliberate effort is required) so that they can reach the new that God has in mind for them.

This is what God says, “…Forget about what’s (who) happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new….” Isaiah 43:19 (The Message)My emphasis

Are you dealing with anything like this or you know someone who is?

Or you just can relate with this somehow…

Please share your thoughts in the comment box and start or join in the conversation.

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Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a Christ-follower, wife to Benson, mother of 3 awesome boys, God's agent, speaker and blogger. Writing to inspire you for a better life in God! Find her on: google
Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

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22 Comments

  1. Out of all the posts I’ve been reading, this one was actually referring to me. I always asked God in prayer that by the age of twenty-five (25) I should be married. i started this relationship at the age of twenty-two (22) while the girl in question was twenty-one (21). everything was in place, I knew her parents very well, we both went to Liberia to see my parents as well everything was working according to plan. I was waiting for her to finish her university studies from Uniben then something happened…………….in her year three, her room mate told her that the holy spirit speak to her saying “if she continue this relationship with me that she will die young” she told me everything then i when to God in prayer. but when she return from last year march. she broke up the courtship on the 14th of march. her parents even her pastor bag her, but that was the end. due to this reason, i lost my job but think God i am working now. i was like getting crazy cos i truly love her. i had to travel back to Liberia for some time my parents could not believe what i was telling so my late Aunty Hawa had to follow me to Nigeria to meet with her parents to know what really happen. but to tell you the truth, She loves me even as i speak to you but what is wrong with her, that i dont know. the relationship lasted for three years. but our friendship is still like if we are in a courtship like before. as a matter of fact, it’s even stronger then before, she called me 24/7 when she’s in Lag, she want me to be in her church every Thursday for weekly programs, we should go on a date… all kinds of things like that. but when i try to say Adeola pls come back to me, that meant i have spoil her day. i am asking God to get me out of this mess i want to stay focus………………….please how can i help myself?

    1. You know Kallon, I think you should define your relationship with her. It is either she wants to marry you or not, and from what you have described, she does not seem to want to. My advice is that you should ask her straight what she wants out of the relationship, just so you can het a direct answer from her, even though I think she does not want you for marriage, she may believe the “prophecy” that was told her. Anyway, I do not think any body should waste time with anybody whoa does not him or her, you should move on. I know how hard it is, especially knowing that you really love her, but you cannot afford wasting time if she does not want to marry you. She cannot tie you down when she want to relationship to progress. I wrote a post that I titled Away With Time Wasters, I think you should read the article, it will explain a lot more.

      1. thanks Mama J.

        1. Praise God!

  2. I know this feeling. I have met people who reminded me a little of a not-so-great past and i didn’t give them a chance. I’m learning to give people a chance though. I also have an ex who keeps comparing his current with me and i keep telling him everybody cannot be the same. You have to work with what you have.

    P.S: thanks for stopping by my site

    1. Everyone CANNOT be the same! And we must love unconditionally. Thanks for coming by, do have a super blessed day!
      Love

  3. Hi!

    You were featured on BeBetsy!

    We were co-hosts on Favorite Things Hop Thursday with Katharine’s Corner. We loved your link-up so we featured it! Thanks for joining us in the fun and visit BeBetsy – Smashingly Good Living! Sharon and Denise

    http://bebetsy.com/2013/04/30/katherines-corners-blog-hop/

    1. Thanks a lot Sharon and Denise, I do appreciate you!

  4. Hi Ugochi!
    I just love your posts..you are always..deep, honest and heartfelt! Marriage is a lifetime covenant/commitment before God and should never be taken lightly…
    Thank you for your heart Ugochi!
    Blessings!

    1. Thanks for the encouragement Shari! Have a super blessed weekend!
      Love

  5. another great post! Thank you for sharing at the hop my sweet bloggy friend xo

    1. Always my pleasure Katie!

  6. Very insightful. I happen to marry my college love. So in addition to 8 yrs of marriage, he’s been in my life for about 17 years. But I can’t imagine being with anyone else. I don’t think I’d be able to truly love and appreciate them due to constantly comparing them to my husband. I think you’re so right. Feeding your mind, body and soul with the Word and trusting God is the way to be freed from the past. I agree with Melinda, not just in relationships.
    BTW, Loving the new look and feel of your site 🙂

    1. Thanks Hope, I appreciate your visits and encouraging comments. Do have a super blessed weekend!
      Love

  7. Great advice, Ugochi! We should wait for God’s specific leading to confirm that a person is the one He intends to be our soulmate, and not force our preconceived ideas on the issue.
    Thanks so much for visiting and commenting on Saved by Grace! Your blog is a blessing and I am now following it, and I invite you to follow Saved by Grace also:
    http://savedbygracebiblestudy.blogspot.com/
    Love in Him,
    Laurie Collett

    1. Thanks a lot for coming by Laurie. Will surely do. Have a super blessed day!
      Love

  8. {Melinda} Very insightful post. I think many people do this and cut themselves off from the plan God DOES have for them.

    I think this applies not only to past relationships, but maybe other past dreams that didn’t work out. We can’t let go of them to see what God has planned for us TODAY.

    1. I agree Melinda, it does apply to many other things.
      A fresh start must always be preceded by leaving the past. Thanks a lot for coming by, do have a super blessed day!
      Love

  9. Ugochi, this is so well written and so true! Before marriage, I ended a relationship with a great guy… that wanted me to be just like his mom. At my young age, I was so intimated by her ‘perfection’ that I ended the relationship. I’m so glad I did! I married a wonderful man with a wonderful mom… The difference? He didn’t expect or want me to be just like her. He loved me for me! We’ve been married 31 years! God is so good!
    Thanks for coming by my place!
    Blessings to you ~ Mary

    1. Thanks a lot Mary, sharing your experience here is so encouraging. I pray some of my readers will learn from it.
      Have a super blessed day!
      Love

  10. I think I have the opposite problem. I don’t really compare my currents with my pasts because my pasts were great. My pasts were horrible. So one sign of that red flag that reminds me of some of the ones in the past and I’m all done! Not really fair either but I think it is just part of life.

    1. I know what you mean Meg, it was the same for me. But it is something that can be worked on, it does not help relationships thrive at all. God help us…

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