As I waited to get an inspiration for today’s post, I was reminded of something a friend told me a couple of years ago. She told me how her friend told her she was not being wise by disclosing all that she had to her husband. She told her of how she had a secret account with some millions in it from where she was able to carry out some projects which her husband was not aware of. She said if she didn’t do that there was no way she would have accomplished all that she had. She advised my friend to begin putting some money aside, secretly, so that she could have some money to call her own and spend whichever way she wants, whenever she wants and however she wants.
A man once told of how his friends told him he was spoiling his wife because he was loving her “too much” and she would soon lose respect for him. They told him he needed to toughen up a bit, and treat her a bit harshly, show her he was “the man” so that she would revere him. They told him that women always respect men who do not go soft on them and that they were all personal witnesses to this fact.
As I thought about this, a scene in FIREPROOF, one of my favourite movies came to mind. When Caleb and Katherine were having issues and told their friends, Katherine’s friends advised her to make sure she does not let him get away with “anything”. I cannot remember their exact words but I know they urged her on to get a divorce and make sure by the time they are through she would have left nothing for him, nothing at all.
How many times have couples listened to “concerned voices” and let go of what would have been a beautiful marriage, a beautiful union, just because of some issues that some little (and most times hard) work, patience and love might have resolved. Many times these people give these counsels based on their own experiences from issues they knew no better way to handle and therefore probably lost their marriages. And they pass their failures unto some innocent people who fall for this misinformation and many times wish they had not heeded to it afterwards.
Some of these people ask you to do something they wouldn’t do under the same circumstances, deceiving you into thinking they were tough and rough and could stand up to their spouses without fear of the consequences, they make you think they do not really care about their marriage, whether it works or not. Meanwhile if you looked properly, you would discover that they would do all it takes to preserve and protect their marriages. I call them deceivers! They come parading themselves as “concerned friends” but in reality are “creepy destroyers”.
Be careful who you take your marital challenges to; that is if you must take them to anyone. I am not against seeking help, but you must try as a couple first to resolve your challenges and when it looks like you cannot do it alone, then you can talk to someone, that is, AFTER YOU HAVE TALKED WITH GOD and have His leading to. Please do not listen to anyone who tells you to do anything you know goes against your marriage vows and God’s word. Marriage is the most sacred covenant God has cut between HIMSELF, a man and His wife. He holds it very highly and will stand with any couple who are determined to make their marriage work.
My friend I talked about in the beginning did not take her friend’s counsel at all, she knew much better than that. Some other women have listened to their friends and have lost their homes. So many men have destroyed their homes because they listened to their friends and had to “prove” that they were “the men”.
Caleb and Kathy in FIREPROOF later found out that the word and voice of God had more power to fix everything that had been destroyed in their marriage and heal their broken hearts.
Cease, my son(&daughter), to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge.
Have you ever been given any wrong suggestion for your marriage, how did you respond?
Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a Christ-follower, wife to Benson, mother of 3 awesome boys, God's agent, speaker and blogger. Writing to inspire you for a better life in God! Find her on: google
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