My life is not going the way I want it;
almost everything is different from the way I thought and planned it to be. I had my life all planned out, from my childhood days I knew or thought I knew what was best for me, I had ideas of what I thought was what my life should look like. But right now everything is just different!
I really thought I would be a lawyer, communicator, news caster… But I read banking, have never practised, and was a school teacher for a while, now a free counsellor.
I thought my dad would walk me down the aisle, I always dreamed of how He would march me to the altar dressed in his black suit and bow tie, with that smile I always loved right across his face. I thought he would be there to respond when the pastor asked “who gives out this lady to be married…?”
I thought he would be here to be my children’s Grand pa, doing all those things grand pas did with their grandchildren. But he died four years before I got married, was not at my wedding and my children don’t have a grand pa!
I thought I was going to marry a nine – five man. With all weekends to ourselves, staying home or getting away. I thought I was going to marry a tall dark man, with the husky voice… But I married a not as-dark-as-I-would-have-loved husband, a public man, with not very regular work schedule, always at the beck and call of the people he minds…
I thought I was going to have four children, with equal proportion of both sexes. I had it all thought out, the two boys would come first then the two girls would come afterwards. Well, I made it to the third child, but they all turned out to be boys, lol!
There are so many more things that didn’t turn out as I planned but let the above suffice for now.
I am happy with what I do, helping people is a passion I always had, and that is exactly what I am doing though through a never envisaged channel. It can be very overwhelming some times, but I do love what I do, in fact, many times I get a kick out of it when I see the result in someone’s life.
I miss my dad, if there was a stronger word, then that would be the word instead of “miss”. But I thank God I had him, I am grateful I even got to know him and with joyful memories too. Though I cry most times when I think of him, there are times thinking of him brings laughter to my eyes.
I didn’t marry a dark, husky voiced, nine- to- five man, but I married the best for me, full of God and His love. We have plenty of time spent together since we work in the same organization, and though we are still growing in marriage, we are having the best of our times right now.
I do not have a girl child…yet. But I am pretty sure I will, we have agreed for adoption later, and I am looking forward to the day. But I am enjoying my boys, with all the rough and tumble. I am enjoying motherhood and all the lessons of life it is teaching me. I am learning how to treat men and how to enjoy being treated like a lady.
You see, I have come to know that my life is not my own. I have come to know that I can have plans but if I allow God, He will cause His very best to happen for me. No matter how great the plans I have for my life, God’s plans are far greater. I am happy things didn’t turn out like I planned them, I would have been living a life less than God’s best for me, and for this I am grateful. I am grateful that God came in as I let Him, and turned my life right side up.
What about you? Are you living your planned life, are you letting God lead you, or are you insisting on following your own plan for your life?
23 Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand.
24Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.
I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the LORD; they are plans for peace, not disaster, to give you a future filled with hope.