“Why did you leave me last night?”
“How do you mean leave you?”
“You left me; you didn’t hold me till morning.”
“Honey I slept, how could I have held you through the night without changing positions, is that possible?”
“I think so, you hold me back once you discovered you were no longer holding me.”
Chuckles… “Ha, you cannot be asleep and be fully conscious at the same time you know.”
“It is not fair; you know I love to be held at night.”
“Then you should hold me when you notice I left you when I slept.” Chuckles…
“It is not funny…”
“You only grab me or wake me up to hold you when you have a bad dream, I think I should pray for you to have bad dreams every night?” More chuckles…
We have had these conversations several times in twelve years of marriage, and sometimes it does not end in a very pleasant note, I wonder if I think he “leaves” me deliberately. I love to be cuddled, a lot. And sometimes I would wake up at night and just stare at my husband snoring away and wonder how he could sleep without holding his wife, if I was a man, I would never do that, lol. But you and I know it is not true, it is almost impossible for you to hold on to someone through the night even if you really want to.
Sometimes I think we put so much demand on our spouses, expecting so much from them, many times what we cannot do ourselves. I remember once my husband told me that if he does not hold me, then I should hold him…I have never been able to hold him through the night, lol!
There are many other unrealistic expectations I have of my husband; I know he also has some of me. I also know it is no different for you, or most of you. This is only natural because we have had different experiences in and of life; we grew up in different homes where different values and principles were upheld. We have different opinions on how so many things should be done and hence the different expectations we have of our spouse.
Just like “Holding me through the night” was a big issue for me…and my husband (I just thought every husband should be able to do that, I thought it ought to be that way all the time), It will be so if we do not filter these experiences, values, principles and opinions through the sieve of God’s word, it could become a strong minus in the health of our marriages and homes.
So we should always be considerate in our dealings with and expectations of our spouses, putting ourselves in their shoes all the time would help us know how to make demands on them. Even if we think it is something we can or would do, we should always remember that our spouses could never completely be like us and celebrate our differences for they exist for complementary reasons.
- What are your expectations of your spouse?
- Are they realistic?
Let everyone know how considerate you are (including your spouse)… Philippians 4:5 (GW) … Emphasis mine
Copyright© Teshuva 2012