There is an ugly beast set at ripping marriages apart. This beast is working subtly and very fast with a serious mission to make sure that marriages are destroyed and the few that manage to remain remain unhappy , just tolerating their marriages without REALLY enjoying them.
It is salient, almost unrecognisable yet extremely destructive. It clogs the mind and blinds the eye to the truth about one’s faults and instead focuses on the other’s faults. It is always wanting to be fed and fanned and flamed. It is very deceptive and alluring.
It has been there from the beginning of time and does not have any exit plan. It is bent on fulfilling its mission as given by its master. It has made some couples to see themselves as each other’s enemies instead of standing as one to fight this common enemy.
This beast is SELF, not the person as in you per se, but the flesh, the selfish desires, and the wants of the person.
SELFISHNESS, is very destructive in the sense that it always seeks to satisfy it self regardless of the other person. It is not considerate of, or interested in how the other person feels as long as it has it’s way. It is never happy until it gets what it wants and it is very manipulative. It operates in different
ways even though it’s objective is always the same, to have its way, what it wants, how it wants it, when it wants it, where it wants it. It most often wants to have the final say.
How often some couples struggle with these beast, some realising it and wanting it to stop but seem to have no clue as to how. While some others realise it but would rather things just remained the way they are, as long as they are having their way, it is just okay. Some have however discovered this beast and desperately sought for a way to extinguish its life in their marriages, discovered how and works always at snuffing the life of it out of their marriages.
The desire of a man or his wife to always want to have it his/her way, forcing, coercing and manipulating kills a marriage. Divorce is not the only sign of the death of a marriage, some marriages are dead even with their marriage certificates intact, SELFISHNESS is largely responsible.
If you keep thinking of yourself at all times in your marriage you have yielded your self as an instrument to the destructive beast called SELFISHNESS. If your spouse must eat what you desire, watch what you desire, go where you desire, sleep when you desire, welcome who you desire, e.t.c. Then there is a problem, if he/she does not speak up now, there will be an explosion or implosion soon to come. Your spouse might just decide to play dead in the relationship, let you have your way and be unhappy, and, or seek “happiness” somewhere else. Selfishness hurts really bad, I know you know how it feels when someone deals with you selfishly. We do not have to keep hurting our spouse by wanting to have our way all the time.
Spouses must learn to yield to themselves, we must learn that when we are joined to someone in marriage we must surrender our will. Sometimes just”play” the fool and allow your spouse to have his /her way just to make him /her happy. It does not mean you are foolish, in fact, most times it is wisdom to give in. I am talking about giving in to choices and desires of your spouse, not to abuse or degradation.
Ephesians 5:21 KJV
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
In marriage, it does not have to be ” me first!” In fact for any marriage to experience bliss, SELFISHNESS must die! For marital bliss to happen true love is a must, for only true love can sustain any relationship and true love is not selfish.
1 Corinthians 13:5 AMP
…Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; …
If couples will choose and decide to kill SELFISHNESS, then the true meaning and original plan for marriages can be restored and there will be no crises in our homes today, it is necessary, it is important, it is possible! Remember that this ugly beast is a tool of the enemy. And it is only in God we can conquer it.
James 4:7 KJV
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Let all married couples seek their spouses’ joy and pleasure, like they seek to please God. If this becomes the goal of every wife and husband, it would be true marital bliss.
Romans 12:10 KJV
Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
Prayer is a very major tool in winning any battle, couples must learn to pray for their victory.
Matthew 26:41 KJV
Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
When we pray we receive strength to subdue self. That way, this ugly, destructive beast will be extinguished from our marriages, Selah!
I have struggled with selfishness, have you?