I used to be a very good builder. Wall builder I mean, and not with bricks or cement, but walls to “shield” my heart. I did this pretty well with my husband. Walls of defence, I call it, my husband was the attacker…
Several times my husband would hurt me- most of these several times he does not even know it. And snap! I just turn, shut down or go cold.I start responding to him with very abrupt yes, I’m fine, okay, no… I have tried to “kill” the love I have for my husband several times in the past, because I thought that way he would never be able to hurt me again. But I wasn’t truly happy.
I know a lot of women and men do this. I’ve heard it said over and over again “I am only protecting my heart from getting broken again”. But this is not true, when a couple does this they only squeeze love and life out of their relationship.
When a husband or wife closes up and won’t let the other person in on what is going on in his or her heart, they only worsen the problem. Shutting your spouse out of your world and life does great harm to your marriage. It causes a large gulf between you two. It hurts not only your spouse but you as well. You will not be happy, you will feel and be lonely even though you are not alone. It affects everything in your life.
It is good to talk these things over and admit to yourself that you did not marry a perfect man or woman. Make up your mind to bring up these issues for discussion (not nag), instead of bottling them up and shutting down.
Sometimes you could even not talk about them too often, a different, positive, loving response might just bring your desired change, and I know it is not easy but it surely isn’t impossible. A lot of times we tend to weary our spouses when we always remind them of their short comings, they already know and are probably trying to deal with them, so sometimes we just need to find another way to respond to issues with our spouses.
Keep yourself open to your spouse no matter what he/she does to you. Living like that is so liberating from the emotions that would otherwise choke you up and deny you a truly happy life. Do not be afraid of being taken for granted, in case your spouse chooses to take you for granted that would be his/her problem not yours. Being too careful can deny you of true happiness in your marriage. You just do your part, do what you know is right and watch your actions blossom into something you never thought possible.
Do not allow fear hinder you from all the joys you were meant to have in live. Open up yourself to your spouse, love your spouse unconditionally, tell him/her in the nicest way you can and at the appropriate place and time of any wrong done to you.
Break down those walls, break free from those thoughts that control and imprison you, you can live life to the fullest, and you can enjoy a perfect marriage with an “imperfect” spouse. You are not perfect yourself or are you? So go on and let go, free yourself, open your heart again, so you can enjoy you can enjoy life and marriage. Love, true love does not hide itself; it exposes itself to the “object” of affection and just pours out on that person.
The root or foundation of the walls we build is mostly bitterness and resentment, but love, true love is liberating when given the freedom it desires.
So go on, let it go, pick up your tools and this time, do not build but BREAK DOWN THOSE WALLS and let love in once again.
31 Get rid of your bitterness, hot tempers, anger, loud quarrelling, cursing, and hatred.
32 Be kind to each other, sympathetic, forgiving each other as God has forgiven you through Christ.
Much water may not put out love, or the deep waters overcome it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would be judged a price not great enough.
Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a Christ-follower, wife to Benson, mother of 3 awesome boys, God's agent, speaker and blogger. Writing to inspire you for a better life in God! Find her on: google
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