ME, SELFISH?!

“You are a very selfish man!” I blurted out.

I don’t remember if I flung the ring at him or just slammed it on the 
table.
“I don’t want to marry you again!” I panted in anger as I walked out and slammed the door.

This was barely nine months into our marriage.
I had set the table with dinner and was taking a shower when my husband came in from work. He came into the bathroom and hurried his greetings to me. Next thing I heard
was opening of dishes and sounds of jangling cutlery. 

He was eating! And without me!

This is it; I am not going to live with this selfish man for the rest of my life! After all the energy I put in, after waiting since after lunch, almost 10pm now, he just walks in and starts eating without waiting for us to eat together.

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Couples ARE SUPPOSED to eat together aren’t they? I don’t ever remember seeing my Dad and Mum eat without each other except Papa was out of town. My mum got home every early afternoon and waited till sometimes late evening to eat with my Dad. It is supposed to be the same for us or isn’t it?

How come I fought the hunger and waited and he just didn’t care? He is just plain selfish, and I would not have any of it. So right there in the bathroom I rehearsed, and immediately I got into the bedroom and got dressed, I played the part.

He was stunned to silence.


After what seemed like several minutes, as I sat out in our little front porch, with mosquitoes and some cold air biting me, I heard the door open and my husband was begging me to come in so we could talk. I refused, vehement in my stubborn anger, I told him to “just leave me alone!”, and I said it as roughly as you can imagine.

It was already the beginning of the next day when I went in and met him sleeping snoring and I thought how very insensitive he must be. I was very angry to say the least.


Much later, when anger had died down a bit and I was calm enough to listen to him, I realized a few things I had not thought of:

  • It was his first meal for that day, while it would have been my third.
  • He didn’t think I would wait for him for that long, he also thought I wouldn’t mind since he had not had anything to eat all day.
  • He never saw his dad and mum eat together and since we get to eat together a whole lot of times a few exceptions shouldn’t be a big deal.
  • I should have told him exactly what I was angry about instead of stomping out of the house and leaving him clueless and confused as to what the matter was.
  • I should have waited to listen to him



How come I didn’t think of these things, how come I didn’t think that he must be very hungry since he had eaten nothing all day, how come I didn’t remember that I mustn’t pattern everything in my home after what went on in my parents’, how come I didn’t remember that he comes from a completely different background from mine and so would see some things differently? Was I the selfish one?

One morning as I read My Lord’s words in- 

Matthew 7:1-5

1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

3 And beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye…


I realized that I was the hypocrite, wanting to have it my way without thinking of my husband. Judging and classifying him as selfish while I was indeed the selfish one. I was ashamed of myself that day as this incident flooded my mind. Oh how God teaches me!

I laughed at myself, in regrets at my foolishness.

And of course I asked God for mercy one more time and for Him to always help me remove the beam(big piece of wood) in my eye, so I can see well enough to remove the mote(saw dust) in my husband’s or any other person’s eye.

I dare not say I have succeeded all the time but God never ceases to remind me of those wonderful words, and how I work towards obedience.


Have you ever tried to take out “saw dust” from your spouse’s or any body’s eye when you are blinded by the “big piece of wood” in your own eye? Have you ever judged your spouse or someone else without first looking at and examining yourself and your motives?




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Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a Christ-follower, wife to Benson, mother of 3 awesome boys, God's agent, speaker and blogger. Writing to inspire you for a better life in God! Find her on: google
Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

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39 Comments

  1. Oh yes. I have so been there! I love how God’s Words speak to us showing us our sin just when we need it! Great post!

    1. Yes Esther, His love won’t let us fail. Thanks for visiting, grace and speed!

  2. Ugochi,
    This reminds me of our first year; so much to discover, so much to learn. 19 years later, I am thankful for the gifts of perspective and patience, two of my reminders that God is good.
    May your marriage continue to be richly blessed.
    Peace and good.

    1. Hmmnnnn, perspective and patience, two words to think on. Thanks a lot for visiting and leave comment, God bless!

  3. I’m visiting from the SITS Sharefest. Great post! It’s so hard to see things from the perspective of our spouses. Kudos to you for acknowledging your actions and trying to see the motivation for his actions.

    1. Thanks a lot for visiting, Have a great day and God bless you!

  4. Isn’t interesting how things change when we stop and think a bit? Too bad we usually talk first and think later! At least we get it at some point. Thanks for sharing so transparently. Stopping by from SITS.

    1. We do need to stop and think a bit. If I had all the drama wouldn’t have ensued. Thanks for stopping by Anitra.
      God bless!

  5. Even though you were so mad in the moment, at least you were able to eventually see that maybe what he did wasn’t so horrible and to forgive him. We all have these moments and marriage and as long as we can communicate and grow together things seem to work out and even make you closer as a couple. Thanks for sharing!

    1. We have to grow together alright, and communication is very important. Thanks for visiting.
      Blessings!

  6. I constantly have to remind myself to put myself in my husband’s shoes. I get so mad when my husband doesn’t understand me, but it’s very rare that I understand him!

    Happy saturday sharefest!

    1. Very true, we need to look and see things from our husband’s perspectives too. Thanks for visiting.

  7. Another thing to consider is just because your parents did it one way doesn’t mean your husband will do it that way, too. My daughter-in-law and I were just discussing that. She was upset because my son wasn’t acting like her father. Duh. He isn’t her father and he wasn’t raised the same way. He’s his own person, raised completely differently, different personality, and different ways of doing things. She can’t expect him to behave like her father.

    I’ve been married 30 years. When I first got married, I expected my husband to take care of my car – just the way my dad did. But he didn’t. It took me a while to come to terms with that. Once I realized he wasn’t going to, I took the responsibility on myself. He took care of big things – but the little stuff I just took care of. I had to learn that he wasn’t my dad.

    It’s just one piece of the puzzle and one small part of the process of learning to live together.

    1. Truth said Patty, thanks for visiting.
      God bless!

  8. We have all been there and as long as we learn and grow from our mistakes then we can be better people and spouses.

    Thanks for the follow, following back

    1. True Amanda,
      We must learn from our mistakes.
      Thanks for visiting and the follow back.
      Blessings!

      http://www.ugochi-jolomi.com

  9. Communication is definitely key to maintaining ANY relationship, but especially marriage. Being able to stop and think before reacting would be the best situation, but it can be hard to do in the heat of the moment. In our pre-marriage classes, my now-husband and I were told the importance of telling one another what we needed instead of expecting the other person to automatically “know.” We try to respect each other’s needs and not get angry when we don’t think our own have been met.

    There is a wonderful lesson in your story that can apply to everyone. Thanks for being brave enough to share it!

    1. You are right, thinking before reacting is very important, thanks for stopping by and taking time to leave these very insight full words.

  10. I’m learning these lessons a little too late now (I’m divorced. lol! ). But I liked reading this post. It shows how important communication is for couples. Men aren’t mind readers, so it does help to voice out our feelings. Compassion also plays a role here, and broad-mindedness, I guess. I’m sure I’ll use these lessons if and when I get married again 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

    1. Compassion and broad mindedness, something to dwell on for me.
      Thanks for visiting and..
      It’s never too late!
      I pray you enjoy your marriage when you get married.
      Please invite me!!!
      Blessings!

  11. Amazing how “narrow sighted” we can be sometimes!
    Thanks for visiting.
    Blessings!

  12. Such great points Ugochi! As a married woman, I’ve been there myself before. We see things from our own perspective without taking into account what our spouse has gone through. I found myself in this position recently in regards to the share of work and duties. When I had the space to think about it, specific events came to mind as well as tasks that hubby has done which are a blessing to us both that I don’t typically take part in that I have sometimes taken for granted.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and have a blessed day!

    ~K

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  13. Yes we all have,I have been married 11+ years now and still learning to bite my tongue instead of say the wrong things.

    Thanks for stopping by.
    Blessings!

  14. I am so sure we have all been in this position. I have been married 5 years to the most wonderful a man who does so much for me but I find I pick on such petty things and start an argument for no reason. Worse is when I realize it, I don’t apologize out of fear of the “I told you so.” I need to be able to stand up and admit when I am wrong and try to see where he is coming from more often. I can’t always be right (although let’s keep that to ourdelves for now…lol…just kidding)

    Thanks for following Mommy Time Out

  15. What a great share. I think it’s natural for us to do things that are selfish but the hardest thing to do is honestly evaluate and admit we have been wrong. Good for you!

    Thanks for stopping by Happy Hour Projects, following you now!

    Adrianne
    Happy Hour Projects

    1. Hi Adrianne,
      I’m glad you see the whole point.
      Thanks for visiting.
      Blessings!

  16. I have definitely had moments like this – especially earlier in our marriage. We both had different backgrounds and ideas of what was proper (at my house family always ate together, not so much with his). There are still moments I feel this way, but I bite my tongue until I can speak in a more gentle voice.

    1. The beginning of the marriage often poses such misunderstandings. I need to start practicing biting my tongue too.
      Thanks for stopping by

  17. hey great blog just stumbled on ur blog and i like and following you 2 plz do come thru my fashion blog to and follow back if you will like what you will see there too

    thanks and keep the good work

    1. Hi! Thanks for stopping by, and following.
      God bless!

  18. Hi Ugochi! Thank you for joining my blog…I feel so honored. I love your honesty here. I am guilty of jumping to conclusions and then vomiting anger on my hubby without all of the details. Communicating as Ginny said is definitely the key as well as listening. Thank you for sharing a hard, but good truth that needs to be reminded in my heart.

    1. Hi Dionne,
      We all are guilty, but can handle it better with dialogue. I am glad you found truth in it.
      Thanks for visiting.

  19. Sometimes anger gets the best of me, too! Communicating is definitely the key to a good relationship.

    Lemon Drop Pie

    1. True Ginny Marie,
      Communication it is!

      Thanks for stopping by
      God bless!

  20. This is a great post, sometimes when you’re in the moment it’s hard to put yourself in the position of someone else! x

    1. Truth Michelle,
      Thank God for grace!
      Thanks for stopping by,
      Blessings!

  21. Thank you – I don’t know what else I can say. This could have been out of my own mouth it is so scary how similar this is to the things I do with my new husband. Just today we had a brawl over something similar and equally as trivial. I cannot begin to say how much i needed to hear this. This was truly a “Come to Jesus” meeting for me and for that I am grateful.

    1. Hi Laurel,
      It happens often in marriages, we just need to try to see from the other person’s side before we jump to conclusions.
      Thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts, I’m grateful it made meaning to you.
      God’s grace!

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